Drop-in Q&A - a worker's view
Want to come along to Allsorts, but have a few worries? One of the workers thinks out loud
It's quite normal and natural to be a bit on the nervous side about going to a group where nobody knows you and you don’t know anybody. We hope that this might just help a bit in putting at rest some of your fears.

The Allsorts staff have a lot of experience of working with lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans young people and those who think they might be, but aren't sure; and we have often been asked these questions over the years. So read on, perhaps things will seem easier once you have done. Remember you can always give us a call or email us if you want to ask any more questions.

I'd like to give it a try, but I'm worried that people will try and get off with me
Allsorts is really about people feeling safe and supported. It's a place for you to relax, be yourself and make friends without having to have to worry about other things for a while. Some people do come along to Allsorts and find themselves a girlfriend or boyfriend, and this is great. This might be the last thing on YOUR mind though. If someone does fancy you and makes a move, don't be afraid to let them know you are not interested, just be polite about it. If you are unable to do this or they don't get the message tell one of the workers and they will help you out. It's their responsibility to make sure you feel as ok as you can be.

What if it's cliquey and I don't fit in?
In any group you go to certain people will be drawn together because they like the same music, have shared interests or whatever. Most people will find other people in Allsorts who they get on particularly well with. This is a fact of life and different to a group becoming cliquey: this is about people deliberately stopping other people from being a part of their particular mini-group. We see this as a form of bullying and Allsorts workers will not allow this to continue without asking the young people what's happening.
Not everyone will want to be your friend, but you and everyone has a basic right to be treated fairly and with respect. Whatever happens, the workers will not leave you sitting in a corner on your own like a prize lemon! At the end of the day Allsorts is like any other group of people; some you will like a lot, others you could well do without and others you will either take or leave.

Will it be too serious with everyone sitting around talking about his or her problems?
If you have never before been able to talk about your sexual orientation, it can feel as if there is nothing very positive about being bisexual, lesbian, gay or trans. Coming to Allsorts may change some of those negative feelings. Yes, we do talk about serious stuff some of the time, and occasionally this can be quite difficult for some people. Remember, you don't have to take part in the serious stuff, you can hang out with other people who aren't taking part or read a magazine or use the internet; it's up to you.

I'm still not sure about my sexual orientation or gender identity; I don't want to be pressured into being gay any more than I want to be pressured into being straight! I don't want to have to fit into other people's gender stereotypes.
A lot of people are not very sure about anything, so it's hardly surprising that some people are not sure about their sexual orientation or gender identity. We understand this; it's perfectly normal. The Allsorts workers will treat you as an individual. We are not here to make you lesbian or gay, bisexual, male or female . We are here to support you in the ways YOU want to be supported. Quite a few people have come along to Allsorts who have been unsure of their sexual orientation or gender identity, some have gone on to decide that they are gay, lesbian or bisexual, others have decided that they are probably straight, and others have remained unsure. Some young people feel they want to explore their gender identity, other are sure they want to transition. All this is fine; there's no time limit on deciding who you are and who you want to be.

I'm worried about going to a group on my own and into a room where everyone knows each other.
First of all you won't go to the group for the first time on your own. One of the workers and perhaps one of the group members will have spoken to you and welcomed you to Allsorts. They will talk very informally about how you are in terms of your identity, go through the ground rules and generally try to make to feel relaxed and address any worries you may have. As far as possible a worker or volunteer will stay with you for your first Drop-in if that's something you want - but this may not always be possible if the Drop-in is very busy. Someone will always be looking out for you those first few weeks.

What actually goes on in a group for lesbian, gay and bisexual people, I've been told it's just sex, sex, sex?
If you read certain National newspapers and listen to certain politicians you might reasonably expect a group like Allsorts just to be about sex, sex and more sex. All these people do is judge EVERYTHING we do upon the people we choose to love and have sex with. This really is nonsense; this view is based on ignorance and prejudice. You can make Allsorts what you want it to be - within reason! You might use it as a place to meet new friends; it can be a place where you can talk about things you may have never been able to talk about before, or perhaps you want some support and advice.

I'm shy and I find it hard to talk to people I don't know.
No one is expecting you to suddenly arrive into an Allsorts Drop-In and be the life and soul of the party. If you are shy the workers will introduce to perhaps one or two other people that first night so you have a chance to build up your confidence slowly. Of course you might not want to speak to anyone for weeks and this is fine. Lots of shy people have come along to Allsorts and have made a place for themselves. A good idea is not to go out of your way to try and fit in. Be yourself and although you will find that it will possibly take you longer to make friends, you will probably also find that the ones you do make will be friends for a long time.

I am bisexual, will people think I am not really one thing or the other?

Sometimes heterosexual, lesbian and gay people can be a bit defensive about just being one thing. Our group is for LGBT young people and unsure young people. We celebrate everyone's identity and we see sexual orientation as fluid and also not so simple. Lots of people are bisexual but say they are straight. Lots of people are bisexual but say they are lesbian or gay. It's also about the names or labels we use. Often they don't really describe who we really are or our history or who we might be in the future.

What if it's too much for me that first time and I don't want to come back for a while?
No problem whatsoever. For some people that first visit is just too heavy, and they can't wait to get out that door. The Allsorts workers understand this and will not make any judgments. You must do what you feel comfortable with and at your own speed. You may decide that you don't want to come back for a month, 6 months or ever again. Just remember that an open door awaits you if and when you do decide to come back: and people have done this, it's not unusual.

I'm scared that people will find out that I'm going to a gay group.
Some people couldn't care less if everyone knows that they go to a lesbian, gay and bisexual youth group. Many people though would be terrified at that thought. One of the ground rules of Allsorts is that members do not tell every Jo, Mick and Sally they meet about who else goes to the group. Many people will be in the same situation as you, or were not too long ago so this rule is almost always respected.

I've only just come out and don't know anything about being gay or trans.
There are no rules for how to be gay or bisexual or lesbian or trans. The LGBT communities do have different cultures and ways to be that some people think are more cool than others like any other groups of people. But you don't have to be anything you don't feel comfortable with. You can chill-ax! No need to try and fit in with what other people tell you, take from it all what's good for you. At the end of the day, the most important thing to know about and explore is You.

I'm not sure if I'm trans or not - can you help me?.

Yes. Our one-to-one support is there to help you think about what is going on for you. We have connections with trans organisations like the Gender Trust and the Clare Project and can help you get advice, information and support about anything that is troubling you.

I think I'm trans does that make me gay/lesbian?.

It's really usual for people to confuse gender identity (am I male, female, trans, something more complex than this?) with sexual orientation (do I want to have relationships with people of the same gender as me, either gender or a different gender to me?). There are links but actually, if you think about it, they are different things! Questioning and exploring the gender I feel I am is a different thing from questioning and exploring who I want to have relationships with.

Are there many trans people at your drop-in?.

There are more LGB young people at Allsorts than trans but usually there is one or two trans young people at Allsorts.

I'm still a bit nervous about it all.
It is a bit nerve-wracking to begin with but we are here and it's our job to support you through any difficulties you may have, so don't worry too much, in no time you'll be feeling a lot better and relaxed about it all.