“Coming to Allsorts I’ve made several friends and feel more confident about my sexuality”

“Getting support with identity problems and simply having someone to talk to has been very helpful”

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Relationships

Relationships

Having a relationship with another man can be very satisfying but it is not always easy. Both men may have to work hard at developing a trusting relationship, and it can be confusing because sex can mean different things to each person. Some guys will want a ‘monogamous’ relationship. This means that they will expect their boyfriend to be completely faithful to them. Others may want to have an ‘open’ relationship where there is an option to have sex with other people. Usually this type of relationship has rules built into it that help to keep both partners as physically and emotionally safe as possible (i.e. ‘we will always practice safer sex when we are with other people’).

‘Trust’ works both ways. It can be helpful to talk about things and be clear about what you want, how you’re feeling, and what you expect from your boyfriend. Sometimes people make assumptions which causes problems. For instance assuming that your boyfriend is happy to be faithful, but discovering he’s been having sex with other men. Unfortunately there are times when people are dishonest, and when this happens somebody usually gets hurt. They may also have been put at risk of catching STI’s and HIV, particularly if they have been having anal sex without using condoms. Because of this it is advisable to keep using condoms in a relationship. Some people have many relationships before they find what they want, and others find that settling down is not for them.


Abusive relationships

All relationships should make us feel happy and safe – if you are in a relationship and you feel frightened or threatened it may be a good idea to think about leaving. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, or are worried about the behaviour of someone towards you, visit the safe in the city website. This has information about getting help if you are a victim of an LGBT hate crime or sexual abuse.

* Website: www.safeinthecity.info

There are also local victim support helplines:

* Victim Support Brighton: (01273) 234009;

* Victim Support Hove, Shoreham & Portslade: (01273) 439942

There is also a national organisation for LGBT people experiencing domestic violence:

* Broken Rainbow: Tel: (020) 8539 9507 (NB: This number will appear on your phone bill if calling from home)

You could also find a safe adult to talk to (either a teacher, youthworker, connexions worker, friend or family member), and they may be able to support you in getting help.