Lesbian and Bisexual Young Women’s Sexual Health
Coming Out and Relationships
“We’re all embarrassed so no one should feel they are alone”, young woman
How do I know if I’m a lesbian/bisexual or not?
Some people believe that they have known from a very young age about their sexual orientation, others have not come to realise until much later in life even those who have spent years in a heterosexual marriage or relationship. The truth is it is different for everyone and everyone has a different experience.
I think I’m a lesbian/bisexual , but I’ve never had sex with a girl.
The same can be said for straight people who are attracted to the opposite sex but have never had sex. The main thing is to not rush into having sex, thinking that it will confirm your sexual orientation. Just take your time and only do things which are comfortable for you.
Where can I meet other lesbians and bisexual women?
We are everywhere!! – “Walking down the road”
However lesbians and bisexual women do gather in certain areas, the most obvious of which is a gay bar or club. Some women are lucky in meeting potential partners in bars and clubs whereas others find the atmosphere too difficult to be able to get to know someone. Remember alcohol and recreational drugs can also alter your judgement.
If you are under 18 or bars are not really your thing, remember that the majority of major cities now have LGBT youth groups so why not join one? Youth groups are a great way to make new LGBT friends and also provide you with a safe space to just be yourself!
How do I approach someone?
If you find someone you are attracted to in a gay bar or club, try and catch her eye. If she makes eye contact and smiles, approach her and introduce yourself. Remember, try not to be corny by using pick-up lines – just try to be yourself. Maybe ask her to play a game of pool or find somewhere where you can sit and chat. If you think it’s going well, try asking for her number.
What about online dating?
Online dating can be a great way to meet other women. You can be up-front about what you are looking for in terms of personality, interests and type of relationship, whether you want something serious or something more casual. You can create a profile on sites such as gaydargirls.com or gaygirlnet.com. When creating your profile be honest about who you are. Try to avoid clichés such as “love nights out but also nights in on the sofa.” Try to think of something unique and quirky that will make you stand out from the crowd.
However be careful about meeting people online. Here are some safety tips:
Be aware that people may not be who they say they are
Take someone with you
Meet in an open place where there are lots of people
Have an escape strategy so if you feel uncomfortable you can leave easily
Make sure someone knows where you are
That sounds too forward. What else can I do?
Just like everyone no matter what your sexual preference a great way of meeting someone is through a shared interest or hobby. What things do you like to do? For example, if you like to read join a lesbian book group. If you love the outdoors and sports there are often different sport groups that are specifically for the LGBT community.
Information obtained from lesbianlife.about.com
“It can be nerve-wracking telling someone you like them, but it is good to know there are others who feel like you do”, young woman
Top Tips for planning first dates
Don’t over plan
Don’t do something that may have awkward silences, e.g. a fancy dinner
Plan something simple to do, where you can chat
Take a picnic to Devil’s Dyke in Brighton; take homemade sandwiches, strawberries and chocolate. (Avoid foods that may get stuck in your teeth!)
Go to the park with a rug
Go bowling
Go to the cinema (and then you can make the yawn move!)
Go for a walk on the beach
Top tips about Relationships
Be clear about what feels right for you and what you and your partner are comfortable with.
Go at a pace that feels right for you
Respect yourself and your partner
Don’t put pressure on yourself or on each other
Communication is important. Let your partner know your boundaries, what does and doesn’t feel right for you.
Don’t spend all your time together because spending time apart can make you stronger in yourself and help you to get along better when you are together
If you are independent and have your own life, you will have more of yourself to share
Make sure that you trust someone before you have sex with them
Have a conversation about sexual health. Get tested together to keep safe and to keep each other safe.
Draw a line and move on if the relationship ends. Don’t give mixed messages.
Ways that you can show that you love each other, without having sex
Go for a romantic walk on the beach
Do a drawing or painting just for her
Take her to a place that means a lot to you
Get her a present when it’s not a special occasion
Go to the place where you first met
Sexual Health Information for Lesbian and Bisexual Young Women
Lesbian and bisexual women are not immune from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s). Yet many young lesbians and bisexual women become complacent about getting tested for them.
“Women can catch STI’s such as herpes, genital warts and Chlamydia when exchanging bodily fluids” says Ruth Hunt at Stonewall. “Any one-on-one contact such as oral sex or using the same hand when touching yourself then your partner can put you at risk”
“Low risk doesn’t mean no risk”, young woman
STIs and other infections
Thrush: It’s possible for women to transmit thrush during sex through touching and sharing sex toys.
Genital Herpes: This is caused by a virus, which can spread if you have vaginal, anal or oral sex, or share sex toys. It can also cause cold sores on the mouth and nose.
Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea: Chlamydia and gonorrhoea can be passed between women through shared sex toys, hands and by rubbing vulvas together.
Get tested
If you are worried you may have an STI, speak to your GP or visit an STI clinic. Getting tested regularly is a good idea to ensure you have a healthy sex life.
The Claude Nicol clinic is the most widely known clinic in the Brighton and Hove area. The Claude Nicol also provides a young person’s drop in for those under 20 years which runs on Thursdays between 3.30pm and 5.30pm and provides STI checks (with free treatment), contraception and referrals to other specialist services.
“Sometimes we have sexual health workers from the Cluade Nicol clinic available to talk to you at Allsorts. They can offer information, advice and simple testing”
Tips for safe sex
- If you’re using sex toys, use a new condom for each partner or between penetration of different orifices. Sex toys should be washed with soap and water between sessions.
- Avoid oral sex if either of you has any cuts or sores in the mouth or on the lips, or use a dental dam (a rectangular piece of latex that fits in your mouth).
- Some infections can be transmitted by hands, fingers and mutual vulval rubbing. Wash your hands before and after sex.
Information obtained from www.nhs.uk/livewell/LGBhealth/Pages/lesbianhealth.aspx
LGBT and Sexual Health Services in Brighton and Hove
Allsorts Youth Project Young People’s Centre, 69 Ship Street, Brighton tel: 01273 721211 www.allsortsyouth.org.uk info@allsortsyouth.org.uk
Brighton Lesbian and Gay Switchboard – Helpline 5pm-11pm 01273 204050
Claude Nicol Centre outpatients Dept. of Royal Sussex County Hospital, Eastern Road, Brighton. Tel: 01273 664721
Young people under the age of 25 can access the following GP surgeries for sexual health advice, screenings and free contraception. You do not have to be registered at these practices to access their sexual health service
- Hove Poly Clinic – Nevill Avenue, Hove for more info contact Morley Street Family Planning Clinic details above.
- The Charter Medical Centre – 88 Davigdor Road Hove. Tel: 01273 770555
- The Avenue Surgery – 1 The Avenue, South Moulsecoomb. Tel: 01273 604220
- North Laine Medical Centre – 12-14 Gloucester Street, Brighton Tel: 01273 601112
- Mile Oak Medical Centre – Chalky Road, Potslade. Tel: 01273 425300
- St Peters Medical Centre – 30-36 Oxford Street, Brighton. Tel: 01273 606006
- The Central Hove Surgery – Ventnor Villas, Hove. Tel: 01273 744910
Useful Websites
Stonewall – national information and campaigning LGB organisation http://www.stonewall.org.uk/at_home/health/
Stonewall’s LGB Youth website – http://www.youngstonewall.org.uk/
Broken Rainbow – support for LGBT people experiencing domestic violence http://www.broken-rainbow.org.uk/
Queer Youth Network – The UK’s National LGBT Youth Organisation
NHS Choices – Your Health, Your Choices
http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/LGBhealth/Pages/lesbianhealth.aspx
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